The Waiting Room

Well, I went to my first doctor's visit a couple of weeks ago. This being my fourth pregnancy, there wasn't much new under the sun. What I feel the need to write about are the women you see in the waiting room. I am part of a large practice so there are always plenty of women in and out. They range in size, shape, and emotions. I felt compassion for the woman who was so full term she was barely able to get up out of her chair. And of course you feel excitement for the woman clearly at her first visit ever. Still in regular clothes, just getting used to the idea of being pregnant.

The women I want to comment on are the ones you try your best not to hate and give dirty looks to. These are the ones who are tan, wear short shorts and tight shirts, and have perfect hair, make-up, and pedicures. There were two of them sitting rather close to me and it was hard for me not to stare. Who are these women? I want to know where they come from and how they can maintain such an appearance in the state of swollen, nausea, and exhaustion that I still find myself feeling. And they look this way in the doctor's office no less. I can understand if you're out to eat or on a date with your husband. Luckily I did not have any of my children with me that day, or I probably would have felt ugly and strung out.

I can look good. It's just not a huge priority for me to doll up for a doctor's appointment. But when you're sitting there in your baggy khaki's, unflattering tank top, and three year old "mommy" sneakers, it makes you wish maybe your nurse was Barbara Walters or something and the normal questions were a television interview. Then maybe I'd at least wear a little more lipstick.

Tank tops with help

Hello. Well, today I put on a piece of maternity clothing. I have hit the 13th week and I always vow to myself I won't wear any until the 2nd trimester. I almost made it. I guess I would have to technically get through this week first. Anyway, I'm sure you've heard that you wear them sooner and longer with each pregnancy. I remember wearing maternity shorts for the first time when I went for my ultrasound at 20 weeks when I was pregnant with my first. I felt embarrassment around the ultrasound tech because I didn't even really need the shorts then, I just wore them because I wanted to seem pregnant on the day I found out the sex of my baby.

I actually just put this shirt on because it is one someone gave me that's a tank top with a shelf built-in bra. And I worship the built-in bra. If I could kiss whoever invented shelf bras in tank tops, I would. I wear one of these at least 13 to 14 hours a day, and then there's the days when I just wear a zip up jacket (a.k.a. "hoodie" but I HATE that word so I can't call them that) over the tank and forget wearing a bra that day. By my third child, they were making nursing shelf bra tank tops and these too, are a gift straight from mommy fashion heaven. At first I liked them because they give support without being constraining like a bra, now I like them because they hold my boobs in the correct position. Because, unfortunately, they need all the built-in help they can get.

Hamburger(s)

I have been craving a hamburger for too long so, last night I told my husband at about 1:30 in the afternoon that I was going to need a hamburger that night for dinner and that we didn't have any ground beef. So he was either going to go to the store or take me out for a burger. We took ourselves and our three kids to Wendy's and, here it comes, I ate TWO hamburgers. I have never been a big eater, never one to stuff myself, I don't like feeling over full. But as I sat there, about halfway through the first one, I said to my husband, "this seems a lot smaller when you're pregnant" and that I might need another one. Being the wonderful man he is, he went to the front to get something else and came back with another burger for me. So, optimistic, I cut it in half and ate the first half. Then I figured, "oh well" and proceeded to down the rest.

My husband watched in amazement, then voiced the darkest fear that I had been thinking the entire time: "Does this mean you have two babies in there?" I'll let you know.

TV Shows

I had an idea when I began my pregnancy blog that I would include a list of television shows and movies that included pregnant women as characters and/or talked a lot about pregnancy and childbirth.

So last week I watched the new comedy series "Notes from the Underbelly" and I figured I'd try my hand at writing a short review about it.

The new comedy series "Notes from the Underbelly" on ABC centers around the conception, pregnancy, and childbirth of babies born to two very different couples who are friends. The characters are balanced by two very single and very UN-parent-like friends. The jokes in the show center around most of your normal pregnancy cliches, like hunger, cravings, mini vans, maternity underwear, unneccessary baby gear, nesting, and the general "we're freaking out" insanity that arises once you become pregnant with your first child. It was funny and I was, of course, able to relate to pretty much all of the emotions and hilarious things one might do when they are pregnant. One of my favorite parts was when the woman who was newly pregnant (if this was a really good review I would know characters and actors names but I don't have time to research this--I have diapers to change) was sitting in her kitchen eating tacos filled with pumpkin pie filling. Cravings are NOT just for television, they exist, believe me.

Another highlight was when a couple with three children backed the newly pregnant couple into a corner and told them how children ruin your life, ending with the mother flashing her breasts at the couple to prove what breastfeeding did to her. (They didn't show it of course.) This, I'm sorry to say, is realistic as well. I've yet to meet a mom who nursed her babies who feels like her breasts are more attractive. Of course the part about how children ruin your life was just for effect because, hopefully, we all know that that's totally just for televisional effect. I just made up a new word. Televisional. I'm liking it.

Over all I didn't feel like the show will be very long running, at least that's my prediction. But it is a subject that can draw a lot of laughs from people who have been there and done that. So if you're pregnant and you'd like some televisional support and a reason to laugh at your pregnancy quirks, this comedy might be for you.

One more thing to note. One of the couples who is pregnant is much farther along than the aforementioned couple. They have portrayed this couple as the psycho first parents that some can be. They do crazy things like carry around a fake baby, go to bed early, and set their alarm for 3 am so they can get used to getting up to feed the baby. Please don't ever do anything like this. Please. No preparation in the middle of the night is necessary. And don't make your spouse get up with you. If you need help, ask for it, but it's not necessary for two people to lose sleep. Tell yourself to enjoy the middle of the night. It will not last forever. It will just seem like it.

Excuses

Here they are. Reasons why I haven't written a million dollar blog lately. As if anyone cares!

1. I have a husband who is unemployed and home all day.
2. I have a five and a half year old who asks a lot of questions.
3. I have a two and a half year old.
4. I have a one year old.
5. Two of these four people poop their pants.
6. Last week we all had the stomach flu.
7. I am tired.
8. I am nauseated.
9. I am not feeling creative.
10. I already got my million dollars!

Just kidding on that last one. It's really not important to me so much anymore. It will take more energy and brain power than I can currently afford. But I am going to keep this pregnancy important and keep this journal of the experience. I am 10 weeks pregnant now and I'm actually having a better day. Not so sick and exhausted. I cleaned out my refrigerator. I am embarrassed to say that that last time I did this was right before I had my last baby. So it's been over a year. It was pretty gross. Actually, it was really gross. Whatever. At least it didn't aggravate my hemorrhoids like it did last time. Sorry if that's too much information. Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart.

Million Dollar What?

Hey. Well, I have been out of town and busy and I've had company so I have neglected my million dollar quest and my goal to write every day. But what's done is done and now we shall move forward. I'm not really all that interested in making a million dollars anymore. Maybe when I get past the first trimester I'll be able to get excited about it again. It's just that this part of pregnancy is the worst for me. Worse than the end when you're miserable and worse than the labor and delivery itself. Nausea is as gross as the word itself.

I am not ready to throw in the towel, for I still believe it is possible to make a million by November. And yes, that would be a solution to many things on my mental "to-do before baby comes" list. But I've taken care of a baby before. And you don't need as many bells and whistles as you think, and you definitely don't need a million dollars. And really, the infant you receive is worth more than a million could ever buy, so, really, when I deliver, I will have reached and exceeded my goal, right?

I guess except the television part. But it's really no big deal to get on TV these days. Have you watched any television lately? You don't need any sort of skills. In fact, it seems to celebrate people without any skills whatsoever. Really, what I need is an appearance on a game show. If I win a million, I could knock out both goals at once.

Still Here

Well, I have broken my vow to myself to write every day. We are out of town visiting my parents and my late night time to blog isn't possible because the computer resides in my parents bedroom. It's no excuse though. My best excuse is that the nausea and exhaustion has hit me full force these last few days. I had this vision. You know when you go and give blood, there are like a dozen or so recliners in a big room, and you lie there and they are real nice to you as you donate. Anyways, I think there is something that happens to pregnant women in their first trimester. While we are asleep at night, we are kidnapped and taken to a big room full of beds where they plug something into your belly button (I picked belly button because that's where my two year old thinks babies come out of) that extracts all your energy out. You are left feeling limp, hungry, nauseated, and depressed all at the same time.

Where do these people come from? Why do they feel it necessary to zap you of all your strength, personality, and ability to function normally? It is a phenomenon I will never understand.

But, I have done this before and I do know that it doesn't last forever. And some days are better than others. Hence, my ability to actually blog today. My advice to the first trimester energy zapped pregnant woman: ONE DAY AT A TIME. Take a nap. Your body is busy like forming organs and stuff. It's no small task.

Earnings

Drumroll................ We made One Hundred Ninety Five dollars today! And here's some advice. Don't have a garage sale in the first trimester of your pregnancy. Please wait until you are past this exhausted first trimester and can arise from bed at five something without feeling totally deprived. Oh, and just so you know, once you are a parent, you will never be able to wake up at any time, let alone five something without being totally deprived. That said, I am off to bed.

Million Dollar Total: $195.00

Garage Sale

Well, I have only known of my pregnancy for one week now, and I've been on my million dollar quest for 6 days. Already I am bringing in the bucks! Tomorrow we are having a garage sale. This event was actually already on my calendar a month ago, but since I have come to realize this may be the only cash I make in the next 9 months, I'm going to add it to my million dollar tally. Then, at least, I can claim forward progress toward my goal. I will post our grand total tomorrow.

Words

Tonight I am thinking about words. Words that have only come into my regular vocabulary since having three children. I wish they weren't here but they are. Words like hemorrhoids, variscosities, yeast, pelvic exam, heartburn, swelling, insomnia, contractions, nausea, stitches and the like. BUT then there are the other words. The nice words. You think I'm going to list those too don't you? Sorry. You have to wait for these. These words do not come until after you deliver. There is some sort of magic "I love pregnancy and childbirth" vocabulary hormone you get at some point after childbirth. The lucky ones get it right away. They lie in recovery and want to get pregnant all over again. For others it takes months but it will come. You will forget the bad words and they WILL be replaced with the good. So I just try to forget these impending conditions and focus on the incredible feeling of a newborn in my arms and a hemorrhoid in my...oh wait I was supposed to forget about that. Oh well.

Nausea Tips

It is my goal to celebrate this pregnancy. Today I'd like to celebrate the fact that I'm not nauseated yet. It doesn't hit me until sometime during the 7th week usually. Of course I'm hoping I just don't get ill this time, but it's not likely. Here are some tips to stave off nausea I've come up with over the years that are my personal favorites.

EAT.
Get enough rest.
Turn on a fan and let the cool air hit your face.
Prop yourself up in a recliner, and try not to move a muscle.
Go for a walk.
Call or talk to someone who is able to soothe and distract you at the same time.
Remove all unnecessary clothing and lie on your left side.
Wet a washcloth, wrap an ice cube in it, and place it on your throat.
Wear lip gloss with peppermint oil in it.
Tell yourself over and over that "it's worth it, it's worth it, it's worth it..."

Sadly enough I could go on for quite a while but it's late and I'm going to relish going to bed without the need of any of these remedies. YET!

The hand that rocks the cradle

Well, today we got a million dollar pregnancy website up and going. My husband and I still have no idea exactly how we are going to raise a million dollars but we're not throwing in the towel just yet. I don't need a million dollars, really. I have everything I need. I do not believe money makes you happy or satisfied in life. But one must admit, in our society, money is essential to attain food, clothing, and shelter. Even though all I really want is a house with two showers and some money aside for my children's education, I figured why not aim big. Today my mother reminded me of the famous quote, "For the hand that rocks the cradle, is the one who rules the world." (William Ross Wallace)

I'd just like this pregnancy crusade I'm on to celebrate ruling the world from my modest home while reading books to my children in my pajamas. Don't you?

Giraffes and Squirrels

I can only take things one day at a time. So today I am about 43 days pregnant. Based on my other pregnancies, I carry my babies about 282 days. So I have about 239 to go. Good thing I'm not a squirrel, because I'd be giving birth any day now. Maybe you know that elephants are pregnant more than twice as long as humans but the animal I am fascinated with is the giraffe.

Giraffes carry their babies for about 425 days, then proceed to give birth standing up, the baby coming out rear hooves first, then the rear hips with the head resting upon them. WHAT? And I don't know about you, but I enjoy the fact that my baby can't go anywhere for at least 6 or 7 months after birth. The giraffe baby drops five feet and stands up. Could you imagine giving birth and then having your baby running around the delivery room, exploring, eating important hospital documents, and then playing in the toilet? No thanks. My two hundred eighty something days until a swaddled bundle of wonderful comes to lay on my chest is just right for me.

Spread Thin

When I took my pregnancy test the other night, I was so cocky that it was going to be negative. I was just in denial. I knew deep down it was a strong possibility because I know my body. It's like somebody stuck a cork up in there. I keep waiting to start my period and...NOTHING. After taking the test, within minutes I had on my pajamas and was hiding under the covers. My husband came to find me and I was shedding a few overwhelmed tears. I am just afraid I will not be able to get everything done to keep house and also have time to breastfeed and play with my other children.

It's like when you get out the peanut butter jar and there's only like a teaspoon left in there. You've already got a nice slice of bread ready for it, and you discover there's not enough peanut butter to cover the bread with the thickness you desire. So you spread what you've got. Even though it's not ideal, it still tastes good. I guess that's how I feel. I may be spread thin, but I'm confident I can still taste good in the end.

So, lying there in tears, I made my husband sign some written contracts. It's really hillarious what you will do in your horomone raged state. It's only the beginning. When you are pregnant, it really feels as if an alien has taken over your body. At this stage my baby is no bigger than a grain of rice but already it seems as if she (I'm hoping) is a raging lion whom I throw food at and she laughs as if to say, "Do you think that will even make a dent?" Let's hope she likes bread with a small amount of peanut butter, 'cause that's pretty much all I've got.

Still wearing my skinny pants

Even though it is way past midnight, I must share that I achieved some of my own previously listed things to do.

Tonight I wore somewhat tight pants out with some friends to eat and then we went to the movies. I relished every moment. Despite our efforts, my husband and I leaked the information to some close friends. (Word to the pregnant: Don't leave your positive pregnancy test sitting in the bathroom when friends come over for dinner.) I usually try to wait a few weeks at least. I just like to let the knowledge age in my own mind before I have to share it with others. Especially this time since I am not even a year out from delivering the last.

I am brainstorming ways to make a million before I deliver. But for now, my goal is just to write every day. With three munchkins running around, this is enough aspiration.

So there you have it. Oh, and I took my vitamin today. Make that one more thing off my list.

It's Positive

Tonight I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. It was so exciting. I had an accelerated heart rate, I was shaky, and I had to apply additional deodorant because all of a sudden my armpits were moist.

This is the fourth time for me. My youngest is only 11 months. I was not planning on having another child so soon. But what's done is done and my husband and I can honestly say we are already attached to this child too.

I have two goals with this pregnancy:

•To get on Television
•To make One Million Dollars

These goals aren't a joke, I'm serious. I'm going to be 30 this year. Tons of people in this country make a million by the time they're 30. Why shouldn't I? I work like crazy 24-7. As far as the television part, I know that if I ever get on television, there will be people there who are getting paid to make sure I have on a nice outfit and am actually wearing make-up. This is coming from someone who isn't even sure if make-up is a hyphenated word.

I figured this blog was a good way to start. I feel I may have something to offer the pregnant community since I have done this three times before. So let's begin with ten things to do when you get a positive pregnancy test:
1. Rejoice. Celebrate.

2. Take a vitamin with folic acid. It will make you feel better when you begin to read pregnancy books.

3. Take a picture of your stomach. It will never be this flat again.

4. Eat something. Soon things will not taste the same.

5. Wear your skinniest pair of jeans. Soon things will not fit the same.

6. If you're a smoker, stop.

7. If you drink, stop.

8. Go out to dinner and to the movies. Soon you will not be able to do this without days of planning and brain power you do not have.

9. Ask questions and find a good obstetrician if you don't already have one.

10. Start putting together the jillion piece puzzle inside of you and try to enjoy every minute of it.