The Waiting Room

Well, I went to my first doctor's visit a couple of weeks ago. This being my fourth pregnancy, there wasn't much new under the sun. What I feel the need to write about are the women you see in the waiting room. I am part of a large practice so there are always plenty of women in and out. They range in size, shape, and emotions. I felt compassion for the woman who was so full term she was barely able to get up out of her chair. And of course you feel excitement for the woman clearly at her first visit ever. Still in regular clothes, just getting used to the idea of being pregnant.

The women I want to comment on are the ones you try your best not to hate and give dirty looks to. These are the ones who are tan, wear short shorts and tight shirts, and have perfect hair, make-up, and pedicures. There were two of them sitting rather close to me and it was hard for me not to stare. Who are these women? I want to know where they come from and how they can maintain such an appearance in the state of swollen, nausea, and exhaustion that I still find myself feeling. And they look this way in the doctor's office no less. I can understand if you're out to eat or on a date with your husband. Luckily I did not have any of my children with me that day, or I probably would have felt ugly and strung out.

I can look good. It's just not a huge priority for me to doll up for a doctor's appointment. But when you're sitting there in your baggy khaki's, unflattering tank top, and three year old "mommy" sneakers, it makes you wish maybe your nurse was Barbara Walters or something and the normal questions were a television interview. Then maybe I'd at least wear a little more lipstick.

Tank tops with help

Hello. Well, today I put on a piece of maternity clothing. I have hit the 13th week and I always vow to myself I won't wear any until the 2nd trimester. I almost made it. I guess I would have to technically get through this week first. Anyway, I'm sure you've heard that you wear them sooner and longer with each pregnancy. I remember wearing maternity shorts for the first time when I went for my ultrasound at 20 weeks when I was pregnant with my first. I felt embarrassment around the ultrasound tech because I didn't even really need the shorts then, I just wore them because I wanted to seem pregnant on the day I found out the sex of my baby.

I actually just put this shirt on because it is one someone gave me that's a tank top with a shelf built-in bra. And I worship the built-in bra. If I could kiss whoever invented shelf bras in tank tops, I would. I wear one of these at least 13 to 14 hours a day, and then there's the days when I just wear a zip up jacket (a.k.a. "hoodie" but I HATE that word so I can't call them that) over the tank and forget wearing a bra that day. By my third child, they were making nursing shelf bra tank tops and these too, are a gift straight from mommy fashion heaven. At first I liked them because they give support without being constraining like a bra, now I like them because they hold my boobs in the correct position. Because, unfortunately, they need all the built-in help they can get.

Hamburger(s)

I have been craving a hamburger for too long so, last night I told my husband at about 1:30 in the afternoon that I was going to need a hamburger that night for dinner and that we didn't have any ground beef. So he was either going to go to the store or take me out for a burger. We took ourselves and our three kids to Wendy's and, here it comes, I ate TWO hamburgers. I have never been a big eater, never one to stuff myself, I don't like feeling over full. But as I sat there, about halfway through the first one, I said to my husband, "this seems a lot smaller when you're pregnant" and that I might need another one. Being the wonderful man he is, he went to the front to get something else and came back with another burger for me. So, optimistic, I cut it in half and ate the first half. Then I figured, "oh well" and proceeded to down the rest.

My husband watched in amazement, then voiced the darkest fear that I had been thinking the entire time: "Does this mean you have two babies in there?" I'll let you know.

TV Shows

I had an idea when I began my pregnancy blog that I would include a list of television shows and movies that included pregnant women as characters and/or talked a lot about pregnancy and childbirth.

So last week I watched the new comedy series "Notes from the Underbelly" and I figured I'd try my hand at writing a short review about it.

The new comedy series "Notes from the Underbelly" on ABC centers around the conception, pregnancy, and childbirth of babies born to two very different couples who are friends. The characters are balanced by two very single and very UN-parent-like friends. The jokes in the show center around most of your normal pregnancy cliches, like hunger, cravings, mini vans, maternity underwear, unneccessary baby gear, nesting, and the general "we're freaking out" insanity that arises once you become pregnant with your first child. It was funny and I was, of course, able to relate to pretty much all of the emotions and hilarious things one might do when they are pregnant. One of my favorite parts was when the woman who was newly pregnant (if this was a really good review I would know characters and actors names but I don't have time to research this--I have diapers to change) was sitting in her kitchen eating tacos filled with pumpkin pie filling. Cravings are NOT just for television, they exist, believe me.

Another highlight was when a couple with three children backed the newly pregnant couple into a corner and told them how children ruin your life, ending with the mother flashing her breasts at the couple to prove what breastfeeding did to her. (They didn't show it of course.) This, I'm sorry to say, is realistic as well. I've yet to meet a mom who nursed her babies who feels like her breasts are more attractive. Of course the part about how children ruin your life was just for effect because, hopefully, we all know that that's totally just for televisional effect. I just made up a new word. Televisional. I'm liking it.

Over all I didn't feel like the show will be very long running, at least that's my prediction. But it is a subject that can draw a lot of laughs from people who have been there and done that. So if you're pregnant and you'd like some televisional support and a reason to laugh at your pregnancy quirks, this comedy might be for you.

One more thing to note. One of the couples who is pregnant is much farther along than the aforementioned couple. They have portrayed this couple as the psycho first parents that some can be. They do crazy things like carry around a fake baby, go to bed early, and set their alarm for 3 am so they can get used to getting up to feed the baby. Please don't ever do anything like this. Please. No preparation in the middle of the night is necessary. And don't make your spouse get up with you. If you need help, ask for it, but it's not necessary for two people to lose sleep. Tell yourself to enjoy the middle of the night. It will not last forever. It will just seem like it.

Excuses

Here they are. Reasons why I haven't written a million dollar blog lately. As if anyone cares!

1. I have a husband who is unemployed and home all day.
2. I have a five and a half year old who asks a lot of questions.
3. I have a two and a half year old.
4. I have a one year old.
5. Two of these four people poop their pants.
6. Last week we all had the stomach flu.
7. I am tired.
8. I am nauseated.
9. I am not feeling creative.
10. I already got my million dollars!

Just kidding on that last one. It's really not important to me so much anymore. It will take more energy and brain power than I can currently afford. But I am going to keep this pregnancy important and keep this journal of the experience. I am 10 weeks pregnant now and I'm actually having a better day. Not so sick and exhausted. I cleaned out my refrigerator. I am embarrassed to say that that last time I did this was right before I had my last baby. So it's been over a year. It was pretty gross. Actually, it was really gross. Whatever. At least it didn't aggravate my hemorrhoids like it did last time. Sorry if that's too much information. Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart.

Million Dollar What?

Hey. Well, I have been out of town and busy and I've had company so I have neglected my million dollar quest and my goal to write every day. But what's done is done and now we shall move forward. I'm not really all that interested in making a million dollars anymore. Maybe when I get past the first trimester I'll be able to get excited about it again. It's just that this part of pregnancy is the worst for me. Worse than the end when you're miserable and worse than the labor and delivery itself. Nausea is as gross as the word itself.

I am not ready to throw in the towel, for I still believe it is possible to make a million by November. And yes, that would be a solution to many things on my mental "to-do before baby comes" list. But I've taken care of a baby before. And you don't need as many bells and whistles as you think, and you definitely don't need a million dollars. And really, the infant you receive is worth more than a million could ever buy, so, really, when I deliver, I will have reached and exceeded my goal, right?

I guess except the television part. But it's really no big deal to get on TV these days. Have you watched any television lately? You don't need any sort of skills. In fact, it seems to celebrate people without any skills whatsoever. Really, what I need is an appearance on a game show. If I win a million, I could knock out both goals at once.

Still Here

Well, I have broken my vow to myself to write every day. We are out of town visiting my parents and my late night time to blog isn't possible because the computer resides in my parents bedroom. It's no excuse though. My best excuse is that the nausea and exhaustion has hit me full force these last few days. I had this vision. You know when you go and give blood, there are like a dozen or so recliners in a big room, and you lie there and they are real nice to you as you donate. Anyways, I think there is something that happens to pregnant women in their first trimester. While we are asleep at night, we are kidnapped and taken to a big room full of beds where they plug something into your belly button (I picked belly button because that's where my two year old thinks babies come out of) that extracts all your energy out. You are left feeling limp, hungry, nauseated, and depressed all at the same time.

Where do these people come from? Why do they feel it necessary to zap you of all your strength, personality, and ability to function normally? It is a phenomenon I will never understand.

But, I have done this before and I do know that it doesn't last forever. And some days are better than others. Hence, my ability to actually blog today. My advice to the first trimester energy zapped pregnant woman: ONE DAY AT A TIME. Take a nap. Your body is busy like forming organs and stuff. It's no small task.